my girlfriend isnt a christian

John_shannon1994's picture
John_shannon1994 (2 years 4 months ago)
Hi everyone, I wanted to see if anyone has any advice on what i can do. My dad says i shouldn't be going otu with a non-christian but i disagree because, it's not like i'm going to spend the rest of my life with her and I don't know what to do. I want to stay with her, but my dad is my dad whom i should honour and has more wisdom than me. Thanks for reading this and thanks if you can give me some advice. John Shannon
andy drake's picture
andy drake (2 years 4 months ago)
Hi John,

Whilst there's plenty in the Bible about marriage, it's almost silent on 'going out' as this wasn't the way things were done in New Testament times. Because of this, it's no surprise that nowhere in the Bible are we forbidden to go out with non-Christians. However, we do find this in 2 Corinthians 6:14...

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

It's not specifically referring to marriage (for that you'd have to turn to 1 Corinthians 7:39) but it's still applicable. Many people who came to my Godly Guy workshop last year said that it would be ok to go out with a non-Christian if she respected your beliefs. So 2 Corinthians 6:14 comes as a bit of a shock, because it tells us that any non-Christian is living in darkness and is an enemy of God. When a man and a woman marry, they become "one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31). How, as one flesh, could one of them be living for God and one for the other side?

So we see that there's no biblical support for the idea of marrying a non-Christian. I know you're not really asking about marriage here but there's a chance that in the future you'll get married (if you're certain you'll break up then why bother with the relationship at all unless it's for short-term personal gain?)

We can pray that your girlfriend comes to know Christ, but if she is still, as an unbeliever, living in darkness as 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, this could have disastrous effects on your own Christian growth and this might be why your dad is concerned! I can't say with biblical authority that you must not go out with her as the bible remains silent on the matter, but I hope this is something to think about...

Andy
caza09's picture
caza09 (2 years 4 months ago)
can i just ask... why is it soo wrong to go out with "Non - christians" cos its not like they are going to dispise of you for being a christian..... and plus.. didn't God make all of us soo how can non - christians be an enemy of God.. Sorry if this sounds rude.. am not being rude at all just wanting to get my point across... Also i think that if you love someone alot then wouldn't it be acceptable in God's eyes to go out with them...
John_shannon1994's picture
John_shannon1994 (2 years 3 months ago)
Thanks for the advice, I decided to end the relationship with her. She understands and we're still good friends. John
Stubbsy's picture
Stubbsy (2 years 3 months ago)
In reply to caza's post :) First, don't think asking questions is rude, or getting your point across is rude :p Thing is, as a Christian, God has to be first in our lives, before friends, family, and boyfriends/girlfriends. For someone who isn't a Christian, it's impossible to understand that they can't be number 1 in your life (trust me, I've tried it :p) Another thing is, are they going to respect that you want to be pure in a relationship? Even for Christians the whole 'no sex before marriage' is a struggle; a struggle which is made a MILLION times harder if you're with a non-Christian. Going out with a non-Christian often, very often, leads to compromising your faith and what you believe, and (as Andy said), often draws you away from God. It's not that God doesn't love non-Christians, it's that He wants what's best for us in His eyes, and (speaking from experience and what I've seen of others' experiences) that really is to be with a someone who shares your beliefs, i.e. a christian. This doesn't mean that just because someone's a Christian the relationship is going to be perfect, but it makes a HUGE difference. You can talk about God totally freely with each other, encourage each other, and having God at the centre of a relationship is a major part of what makes it work... I hope this has helped, and please feel free to ask more questions, very happy to answer them :) a lot of what I've said is stuff I've observed from my own experience of relationships (both with non-Christians and Christians), so it's not empty advice :p
Mez's picture
Mez (2 years 3 months ago)
Hey John Really glad to read about your decision. the Bible definitely says we should honour our parents, and implies that going out with non-c's is unhelpful. I think you made the right decision!
Mez's picture
Mez (2 years 3 months ago)
Hey Caza You ask how non-c's can be enemies of God, but the Bible says we all are until we believe in Christ. It's not that they're worse than Christians, they just haven't taken what God's offering them.
Alex Southall's picture
Alex Southall (2 years 2 months ago)
Yes You should honor your parents but if he asked to become christian then its up to her. I go out with a non christian.
Jonny W's picture
Jonny W (2 years 3 weeks ago)
Cool what do you think of think of what people have been saying though? Also don't quite get your point can you explain again? Sorry to take so long to reply though new years resolution to do the Oakes website a lot more...